


Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono (Something more important than words)

by vogue91



Category: Kamen Rider W (Double)
Genre: Anal Sex, Episode Related, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Oral Sex, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:03:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “And so, what was I supposed to do? You didn’t ask me to stay, you told me that whatever decision I was going to take would’ve been okay. And so I’ve thought...” he shrugged. “That it didn’t matter. That I left or not. I’ve said that you and Aki-chan are like a family to me, but if you thought the same about me shouldn’t you have done like her? Shouldn’t you have asked me not to leave?”





	Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono (Something more important than words)

Shoutaro should’ve foreseen this result, yet he still couldn’t help but thinking about what they had had to go through to get there.

Philip had gone to bed, behind the closed curtain, apparently without any intention to give an explanation as to what he felt.

It hurt, he had to admit it, seeing his aibou like that and not being able to do a thing to help.

And, at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel all the trust he had given him betrayed, all that he had given so that being with him could work, for him to be okay and never missed those disappeared memories.

He had failed. Philip wasn’t happy, not completely, he couldn’t see him and Akiko as a family, or he wouldn’t have left.

He sighed, letting go against the backrest of the chair and massaging his temples.

He was coming down with a headache.

He glimpsed at the curtain quickly, as if expecting to see Philip coming out of it ready to talk, but it didn’t move. 

He knew, he should’ve learnt by now, that when he wanted something from the younger one his only option was to make the first move, without waiting for him to understand he was the one supposed to do it.

“I’m sorry. You know, for what Wakana-hime has...” he started, but stopped straight away. Likely, stressing the total change of mind of the one he had just found out being his sister, wasn’t the best move to push him to open to him. He snorted, frustrated, brushing a hand through his hair. “I’m sure there’s an explanation. If... if you feel so bound to her it means that there has to be something good, right? Probably it’s just because of her GaiaMemory, and once we will be able to help her everything will go back to normal. And if you wish, you may...” once again he stopped, because he couldn’t get there, not even to soothe him. He wasn’t going to lie to him and tell him he was okay with him leaving.

He was about to speak again, most likely to say something equally useless, when he finally saw one side of the curtain opening, abruptly.

“Half-boiled.” Philip called him, before curling back up on the bed, his knees up and his chin on them. “I know that what I had thought it’s foolish. I shouldn’t have believed I could actually run away with her. After all...” he chewed on his lip, frowning. “After all she’s the daughter of our enemy, isn’t she? I couldn’t ask that everything went as planned.” he chuckled, surprisingly. “And to think about that, I’m his son too. It would’ve probably been the worst thing to run with her. Had they found us, it would’ve been like giving myself up to them, so I wasn’t going to be able to do nothing to help her.” he nodded, as if he wanted to believe to that excuse as well. “Yes. It’s better this way.” he finished.

There was a long pause, and Shoutaro didn’t really know how to fill it.

On one hand he would’ve liked to tell him he was right, on the other he didn’t want to hurt him, on another one...

He stood up, joining him and sitting next to him on the bend, leaning against the wall and staring at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry about what’s happened, and I’m sorry that you’ve felt betrayed from Wakana-hime, but...” it wasn’t the best thing to tell him, and he would’ve liked nothing more than being able to stop, but he couldn’t keep inside what he felt anymore. “But I’m glad, Philip. I don’t know what it was going to be of this city without the other half of Kamen Rider. I don’t know what it was going to be of me.”

The younger one turned abruptly, staring at him for a split second with an eyebrow raised, then he turned his back on him again, apparently bothered.

“You could have said that before, then. You could’ve said that when I told you I was going to leave with her.”

Shoutaro didn’t really feel ready for his remonstrations, nor to hear what he should’ve or shouldn’t have done in that situation.

But it had gotten open, he had opened Pandora’s Box, and now he wasn’t willing to lie anymore just for Philip’s sake.

Even if just a little bit, he decided he could allow himself to be selfish.

“It was your decision after all, wasn’t it? I’ve got no right to tell you where to go or with whom. You’ve chosen to leave Fuuto with her and I’ve taken note of that.” he smiled, bitterly. “But it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have preferred you’d chosen to stay, aibou.” he said, remarking the last word, trying to make him understand how bad it had hurt the feeling of having been completely rejected from him.

But Philip wasn’t going to understand, he wasn’t going to realize what tied Shoutaro to him and how he had felt, because as much as he genius he was, he was always missing the most simple things, those that weren’t present inside his infinite library.

Philip turned to look at him again, curious.

“And so, what was I supposed to do? You didn’t ask me to stay, you told me that whatever decision I was going to take would’ve been okay. And so I’ve thought...” he shrugged. “That it didn’t matter. That I left or not. I’ve said that you and Aki-chan are like a family to me, but if you thought the same about me shouldn’t you have done like her? Shouldn’t you have asked me not to leave?” he made a frustrated sound, shaking his head. He turned completely toward the elder, looking straight in his eyes. “What do you want me to do, then?”

Shoutaro took a deep breath.

He wasn’t expecting this reaction from him. Philip always managed to be in control, and when he didn’t he had a tendency to shut down. It hadn’t happened often to see him lose his cool that way.

And he felt that, to give an explanation to that way of acting, he should’ve pay him back with some honesty.

“To me you’re not just my family, Philip.” he said, serious. “To me, you’re my partner. You’re the other half of what I am, you’re the most important thing I have, you’re...” he cut off his sentence, licking his lower lip. “I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to leave _me_. Forget Fuuto, forget being a Kamen Rider and just think about me. I want to know if staying here is what you want, because if you’re not the one who wants that, it’s meaningless for me that you stay.”

While he talked he was looking straight into his eyes, and he mentally begged that he understood what he was saying.

He knew that despite his appearance, Philip’s heart was much like a child’s, that he couldn’t see the nuances, but just the clean truth, and he hoped that would be the exception.

“I don’t want to leave.” he said simply, like it was something obvious. “I feel bound to Wakana. Because she’s my sister, I think that’s why I feel this way, and I was really ready to run with her to help her being better, to run from Sonozaki Ryuubee. But... I don’t know. Perhaps I would’ve liked being asked to stay.” he frowned again.

Shoutaro knew he wasn’t actually understanding what he felt right now, and mentally called himself an idiot for having tried to use with him a behaviour that was never going to fit him.

He had to be clear, and if that was what Philip needed, then he would’ve tried to set aside any qualms and any shame.

It was more hard-boiled who had the courage to speak up, after all, than who didn’t fearing a rejection, or to look ridiculous.

He slipped forward, now only a few inches far from him, and took his hands.

“I love you, Philip.” he said then, articulating the words the best he could. “I don’t know if you can understand that and I don’t know if you can accept it. But it’s what I feel, and I’m sorry I haven’t told you before and having risked that you’d slip through my fingers before I could tell you. But I don’t want to hide it anymore.”

While he talked, Philip had kept looking neutrally at him, and Shoutaro could see from his focused expression how he was storing that new information, as if he was elaborating it, and he saw by the light in his eyes the right moment when he had realized the implications.

“You love me.” he repeated, incredulous.

And then he smiled, an involuntary reflex, wiggling out from his hold and throwing himself at him.

“No one has ever said that to me.” he said. “Not that I remember, anyway. It feels nice.”

Shoutaro burst out laughing, overwhelmed by his reaction.

“I’m glad, then.”

“And now? What?” the younger one asked, moving and looking interrogatively at him, while the detective tried to think quickly.

He had no idea what Philip knew about relationship, and he didn’t particularly care for asking.

He wasn’t in the right mood to have a technical discussion.

“Do you trust me?” he asked then, bringing a hand behind his neck and pressing his forehead against Philip’s.

“Of course I trust you, aibou.”

He didn’t need any more confirmation.

He got closer, pressing his lips on his, pulling him to himself.

It was like he had always imagined, kissing him. His lips were soft, he felt them scorching hot against his own, he felt that it was right and that there was no reason to hesitate anymore.

He opened them, searching access inside the younger’s mouth and feeling him go rigid for a moment before letting him do that, trying to contribute to it by imitating his actions.

Shoutaro brought his hands to his hips, going up under his shirt and on his skin, and there Philip stopped him, pulling back, his breath heavy.

“Wait, wait.” he asked, confused. “Perhaps I should check the library, shouldn’t I? To understand what I’m doing, or else...”

“There’s no need. Follow your instincts, Philip. And for the rest, let me handle it.” Shoutaro asked him, waiting to see him calm down before kissing him again.

He pushed him, letting him lay down on the bed and climbing on top of him, still kissing and caressing him, freeing him from his shirt.

He parted and took his hands, bringing them to the buttons of his own shirt and letting him take the hint, which the younger didn’t miss.

One couldn’t say he wasn’t sharp, for sure.

He felt him take his shirt off and starting to caress his skin, curious of a body that wasn’t his own, brushing his fingertips on the shoulder blades and on his spine, going lower and then back up on his nape, continuing that path on his chest and then low again, and he didn’t need any suggestion to get to his belt, starting to undo it.

Shoutaro laid down on a side, freeing him of his remaining clothes while he did the same, focusing on him the most he could, distracting himself from the touch of those warm hands, curious, that were slowly driving him crazy.

Philip was beautiful. More beautiful than he could imagine, more beautiful than Shoutaro thought he deserved.

He brought his lips against his neck, kissing him slowly, feeling the younger’s hands venturing to his shaft, closing on it.

It was like his body was taking his decisions instead of his mind, and Philip seemed to know what he was doing even though he actually had no idea.

He followed the expressions on the elder’s face, he clearly saw what he liked and what he didn’t and acted consequentially, unconsciously torturing him, while the other man tried to keep his focus.

He stopped him after a few more minutes, asking him to wait.

He took a deep breath than made him lay down again, leaning over him with his mouth, exploring that body as if he had no idea what he was doing as well, trying to walk in his shoes and seeing this as something absolutely incomprehensible, new, so as to better catch the fascination of it.

He let his fingers slip inside the younger’s mouth, forcing him to open them and feeling him getting them wet with his tongue, still following his instinct, and Shoutaro didn’t allow him much time before pulling them back and bringing them to his opening.

He brushed it softly, while his mouth wrapped around his cock, while he relished the confused and pleasured expression on Philip’s face, and saw him arch his back to meet him, taking advantage of that moment to let a first finger slip inside of him, as delicate as he could.

He moved it slowly, while his mouth was restless, and he wished he could’ve told him it was going to hurt, but Philip’s body seemed to have already surrendered to him, and he didn’t deem it necessary.

The second finger met more resistance, and the younger groaned out of pain, biting down on his lips and bringing his hand through Shoutaro’s hair, pushing him against himself, silently asking him to distract him.

The detective did his best to grant that wish, and while a third finger joined the other two inside him he hoped that the Philip’s body was going to adjust soon, that he would stop being in pain and started enjoying it, that he could start feeling the need of him and his body just like he did.

He let him go all of a sudden, smiling to his confused and annoyed expression, then he made room between his legs and got back on him, letting him feel his cock moving against his opening.

“If... if you don’t want to I...” he forced himself to say, no matter what it costed him. He didn’t know how he was going to stop if the other had asked, but he didn’t desire nothing more than for Philip to want this, otherwise it wouldn’t have been what he truly wanted.

But Philip shook his head, bringing his hands to hold tight on his arms.

“No. I... I think I want this.” he smiled, embarrassed. “Or, well, I feel my body does. And anyway, I’ve said I trust you, aibou.”

Shoutaro kissed him, harder than he had done before, and with the feeling of his taste in his mouth he started pushing inside him, suffocating his moans of pain, feeling his tightening his hold to unleash his tension, until he bottomed out and stopped.

He pulled away a little, panting heavily, overwhelmed by that feeling.

Philp was tight, he was hot, and held him in vice he already felt addicted to, that he already knew he wasn’t going to live without.

He waited, and long, kissing his lips and his neck, and behind his ear and on his whole face, until Philip thrusted his hips against him, telling him he could move.

And Shoutaro did, he pulled away a little and then thrust back in, and then again and again, each time a little harder, a little faster, seeing the younger melting under him, starting to feel the pleasure together with the pain, and nothing would’ve made him happier than make him forget everything that wasn’t the feeling of having him inside.

He brought a hand on his cock, moving it fast, forcing himself to look at his face while he let go completely, studying that whole new expression on him, making his so beautiful that he didn’t think he could bear it.

And he was even more beautiful when he reached his orgasm, arching his back higher and pushing against him, murmuring quickly his name as if he couldn’t help it, then letting go against the mattress, spent, offering his body to the elder’s thrusts.

Shoutaro kept moving, now focused only on that body and on what he was feeling, looking at Philip’s twisted expression and coming as well, inside of him, kissing him once again.

He collapsed for a few seconds on the younger’s body, careful then not to weigh on him and moving at his side, pulling him against himself to press his chest against his back.

They kept quiet for a while, the only sound present in the room the one of their breaths that were having a hard time getting back to rhythm.

After a few minutes, anyway, Philip laughed.

“I don’t think this is written in any of my books.”

Shoutaro kissed his shoulder, shaking his head.

“You see? Sometimes I can teach you something useful as well, aibou.”

“Really hard-boiled.” the younger mocked him, closing his eyes and letting the detective’s hug cradle him.

Shoutaro sighed, satisfied, closing his eyes as well and giving in to tiredness.

“Philip?” he murmured after a few moments.

“Mh?”

“Promise me that you’ll never leave.” he forced himself to ask, because not being entirely straightforward with him made no sense anymore.

“I’ve got nowhere to go. Not if you’re not there. Aibou.” he murmured, his voice sleepy.

Shoutaro smiled, holding him tighter.

He wasn’t going to allow himself to lose him, never.

And if it would ever go through his mind to leave, he would’ve asked clearly for him to stay by his side forever.


End file.
